what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
