gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
