my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
