I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
