this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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