I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
