Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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