Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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