So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
