i just google imaged poop.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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