Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
