i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
