who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
