I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
