Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
