she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Im part way to drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize