I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
