I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
