She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He has the fingertips of a God
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