Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
