Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
operation have a gay friend backfired
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
