my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
