So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize