i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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