Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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