just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
