I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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