hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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