It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
