Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
