she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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