...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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