I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
