sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
