Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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