hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
