He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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