we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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