I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
