Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
