please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
