Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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