she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
