I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
