And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
