remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
