Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
