Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
