You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
