i would punch a child for taco bell
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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