i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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