then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
