Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
