you traded sex for a burrito?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
