I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
