just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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