Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
