I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
