Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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