i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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