Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
