maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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