I think my fart just growled at me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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