I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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